Nepal is garnering a well-deserved reputation worldwide for being a pretty incompetent country. Let's face it, our blokes can't do anything right. But, be that as it may, we are a proud and independent nation. We may not have assets, but we have a whole lot of asses. And that is what makes our country truly great.
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Sorry to say, but even our crooks are third-rate. Our willful defaulters are so mediocre they get caught inflagrante with their hands in the honeypot. Then, they're so dense they can't even bribe their way out of being blacklisted. Highway robbers in Chandranighapore get involved in motorcycle accidents as they make too swift a getaway. In Birganj, kidnappers botch their kidnapping and end up getting caught. Only in The Rising Nipple do you get to read headlines like: 'Abductors Abducted'.Ambitious as he was to wield absolute power, even our wily kingji couldn't pull off a proper royal dictatorship. He is reported to have said soon after his half-hearted coup in February 2005: "Those loyal to me are incompetent and those who are incompetent are loyal."
And those who are royal were neither loyal nor competent, the Ass supposes.
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Over at our Department of Uncivil Aviation, it looks like folks aren't even smart enough to be really corrupt. If they were, they'd have ordered replacement for X-ray machines long ago and we'd not have to wait in lines stretching right down to the Ring Road just trying to get into the terminal because only one of the x-rated things still works.And if they were smart enough to be corrupt they'd have ordered two Dreamliners long ago. Instead, what we have is petty graft that involves cabin crew squirreling away undrunk booze after flights and commissions on ordering cabin consumables like plastic cutlery. Makes one ashamed to call oneself a Nepali.
Why doesn't someone just muster the courage to earn some major kickbacks so that the RB211 engine that is rotting in a Hong Kong hangar for more than a year can be overhauled? If the fight is between HECO and AMECO, for heaven's sake take your cut and get the damn thing repaired.
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Really, our guys are just not greedy enough. Instead of embezzling zillions on plane purchases, the very people who are ministers today went for messy leases right through the 1990s. Now, they aren't even immoral enough to lease planes, they are happy with measly baksheesh on maintenance contracts. Pretty soon they'll be satisfied with an underhand payoff on storage fees for the broken engine. Speaking of which, there is a plan to take the engine off the plane that is being checked out in Brunei and fly it back to be fitted on the grounded jet here.Genius, whoever thought of that. But, ummm, how will the jet in Brunei fly back?
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So Sri Tin Girija has installed a lift at Baluwatar to get up to his first floor bedroom. Which begs the question: if he needs a dumbwaiter in his official residence how on earth is he going to make it to China on an official visit in Asoj? Isn't it a health hazard for our head of state and government? Besides, how is he going to fly to Beijing if the 757s are still grounded? In a Twin Otter?.....
Still on the subject of aviation, our unusually reliable source tells us negotiations with Sri Lankan Airlines on flying to Kathmandu have broken down because our guys wouldn't allow the Lankans to carry 100 pax per flight between Delhi and Kathmandu, only 75. Call me an ass, but how can a country that has suspended all international flights by its flag carrier not allow someone else fly passengers? So mean, no?
ass@nepalitimes.com 
