(Advertisement re-issued in the public interest since no suitable candidate has emerged in the past three years.)

Are you an ambitious, morally-challenged Nepali citizen? Do you have a knack for impulsively fixing what ain't broke, and break what's fixed?

Are you a go-getter, someone who can get into a daura suruwal when it is time to go? Are you unencumbered by false modesty, an honest streak, pangs of conscience? Are you a self-made avaricious sychophant? Have you been named in the Mallik Commission Report? Has Rasputin been your secret role model?

Then you may be just the person we are looking for to lead the Kingdom into a Glorious Sunset.

This is a retender notice for the wet lease of at least 1 (one) Prime Minister for the Kingdom of Nepal with immediate effect in an as where is condition. Said Kingdom may be inspected on weekdays between 9AM to 5PM, except during curfews, national holidays and bund days which only leaves you ten days in a year. So hurry.

This challenging opportunity is open to all citizens of Nepal and particularly those who have been prime minister before. Candidates who applied for the post previously and were rejected will be given a sympathetic hearing. Perfect for senior citizens looking for adventure and excitement in the autumn of their lives and the chance to escape the monotony of retirement in Bhaisepati.

Mandatory Requirements:
Should ideally be in the 85-90 age bracket and have already commenced showing signs of screws coming loose, but must still have the vision to spot a Maoist in every street demonstration. Possession of at least a few remaining faculties and vital bodily functions would be an asset.

Should have been prime minister so many times in the past you must have lost count. Age, incompetence and incontinence no bar. You must be able to play the flute and have a vast storehouse of experience in bringing the country to the brink of anarchy at least once before in this nation's history.

Must have at least 10 years experience in ribbon-cutting, lamp lighting, shawl gifting, bouquet accepting and an ability to deliver speeches that can knock everyone unconscious within a 25 m radius in full view of tv cameras.

A proven track record in dissolving parliaments, refusing to extend the tenure of local bodies and inability to raise living standards of Nepalis despite decades of fruitless effort will be an added advantage.

Skeletons in the cabinet are a pre-requisite. Must start preparing now for a free and fair erection in a year's time. (Think you can manage that?)

Terms of Reference
Must be loyal, but not necessarily competent. On-the-job training provided while country is in flames.

Chain of command: PM reports directly to HM every AM via FM. Must be superstitious and share passion for decision-making based on tantricism, black magic, voodoo and the movement of the planets vis-?-vis the only Hindu kingdom in the known Universe. Must have excellent alliance-building skills with all steak holders in society.

Salary: Let's just put it this way, there will be adequate opportunities for candidate's poverty-alleviation.

Perks: Unlimited access to resources from the Miscellaneous and Emergency Budget Heads. Maternity Allowance can be arranged for suitable male candidates.
HMG is an equal opportunities employer as long as you toe the line.

Applications must be in by Thursday evening so the decision can be made on Friday, after this paper comes out.

Surreptitiously slip application with Personal History Form and recent photograph to one of our flunkies during non-curfew hours.

(Till Presstime Still) His Majesty's Government of Nepal Singha Darbar