"I studied in St Xavier's school, where very few students fail the school-leaving (SLC) exams. I failed by one mark. It's a tragedy when you fail in your mother tongue. My Nepali is still not too good. I had to wait for a year to retake the exam. In this time, I had to figure out what to do, and I made a decision. I chose new friends-all people who had failed the exam. Then we began moving towards drugs."

Rajiv, who is HIV-positive, has now completed a diploma course in Danish. These days he represents Nepal at international drug-abuse-related, and HIV/AIDS conferences. He recently represented Nepal at a UN seminar. And he is doing all he can to promote awareness about AIDS and HIV. But Rajiv is sad, because he is stigmatised as HIV-positive and furious because he believes foreign aid is coming into Nepal in the name of people like him, but misused.

Why is it assumed that people who are HIV-positive or have AIDS cannot do anything for themselves. Why do people look at them contemptuously?
A few people may have this opinion, but it isn't shared by everyone. You cannot generalise. If you publicise this sort of statement, HIV-positive people will find it very difficult to come out into the open. I needed a lot of support and strong willpower when I announced I was HIV-positive at the Khula Manch (Open Theatre near Ratna Park). I went public to see for myself whether people with HIV/AIDS are discriminated against, whether they are shown any warmth at all. I went public six months ago and since then I have got more warmth and affection than before.

How does it feel to be questioned about your illness?
I realise I am very lucky, in that everyone loves me and showers affection on me. If there is still some discrimination in the villages, then it is the duty of city people to try and change such attitudes through their actions.

You have been treated with warmth, but do you think everyone who is open about having HIV/AIDS will get the same response?
It is not possible for everyone to get such a reaction. I had the support of my family and also access to different platforms which I could use. This made it easier for me.

Do you feel all the aid coming into the country in the name of people like yourself is being used well?
Many NGOs bring affected people to the forefront while asking for money. If they had used the funding they have received well, the lives of many people would have been different today. People would have been educated and the difference between people with HIV/AIDS and others would not be so great.

Are you scared of dying?
We will all die. I am not scared of death. But I realise I made a mistake. I feel that though I will die young, I should do something for my nation. This is why I have refused offers to live abroad.

Are you making this effort so people will always remember you?
I don't expect to see the results of what I do, I am just interested in doing my duty. My only concern is that I should do the maximum that is possible. If you are talking of establishing records, well, how many records can a sick person establish. Since I was a child I've been interested in trekking and climbing and would like to climb Mt Everest. People have promised me full support, should I try to do it. I want to request the Nepal Mountaineering Association to help me. If they train me, then one day I definitely will climb Everest.

Are you depressed when you analyse your situation?
Everyone feels frustrated sometimes. I am not sad just because I am HIV-positive, in fact I am happy. People may say I'm putting on an act, but believe me, I really am happy. I am just sad that I made a mistake. But there's no use crying over spilt milk. See, yesterday I had an appointment with you but fell sick suddenly. I thought I would die. I wondered if I had developed AIDS already. There is no medical facility in Nepal to check all this. We requested that the equipment be brought into the country, but to no effect.

How did you become HIV-positive?
I did drugs around 1996 and I shared syringes. I am not very certain about the time frame. I did not become HIV-positive because of my sexual habits. At that time, we couldn't buy new syringes, even if we had the money. Many people-around ten-had to share one.

How do you feel when you hear that friends with whom you used to do drugs are dying?
A friend died a couple of days ago. Another one died a few days before that. I had told that person not to drink ever, as alcohol is poison for an HIV-positive person. I cannot believe that the person is no more. He was much younger and used to live with me. After I stopped drugs, I lived at the rehabilitation centre run by the late Fr Gaffney. When Fr Gaffney was murdered, that person was very, very helpful to me. His parents were poor and illiterate, so he didn't get much support, and kept up with friends who did drugs. It is really sad to see people close to you dying slowly, one by one.

Do you realise the problems and sorrow your family went through when they got to know you were positive?
The more you are attached to something, the more you feel for it. I am thier son, and it was definitely painful for my parents. They raised me, looked after me. Definitely they were very hurt. But I gave them all my love and respect.

What should the government do for people with HIV/AIDS?
Rehabilitation centres should be established for them. People who make mistakes should be given the chance to reform. The government should care for these people, but we don't have enough rehabilitation centres, and often people who want to change don't get the chance to. If you cannot support such efforts, you might as well just shoot everyone. Today's drug-doers are in the same situation I was in.

Is it wrong to publicly emphasise that HIV can be transferred through sharing syringes and unsafe sex?
People have been saying for years now that clean syringes should be used. But has it made any difference? When users go to buy syringes, they are asked to furnish a prescription. The government passed a law that requires you to have a doctor's prescription to buy new syringes. HIV did not just fall from the sky, it is transferred by people. If this law is annulled, then the transfer of HIV through shared syringes will stop.

Won't making access to syringes easier increase the number of abusers?
If I give you a new syringe, does that mean you will immediately go looking for injectable drugs? Anyway, if people can't get new syringes, then why make a big deal about telling users not to share them? Drug abuse is a problem of the mind. It can be treated. We need the environment for that to happen. In our society, when someone starts doing drugs, they marry him off in the hope his wife will bring him under control. No one has ever thought of the problems a drug addict's wife and children have to go through.

What is the main reason for the spread of HIV in Nepal-shared needles or unsafe sex?
There are no official red light areas in Nepal, but there are commercial sex workers. And many people in the profession also
do drugs.